Final Matrix
by Ramza Destro
Summary: The cast of FF7/8/9 try to film "The Matrix" Guest stars Mr.T, Ramza


Final Matrix  
A combination of FF7/8/9/ and The Matrix.  
  
Chapter 1- The Script!  
  
  
*Ding dong, it's a door bell*  
  
Cloud- Huh? What…when I get a doorbell? *Gets up and walks to the door, opening it and looking at the mailmen*  
  
Mailmen- Is there a Mr. Stri…*blinks and looks at cloud's hair*…ummm…okay…is there a Mr. Strife here?   
  
Cloud-*yawning* Ya…that's me what do you want?  
  
Mailmen- I have a package for you…*ominous music plays as the mailmen hands the package to cloud*  
  
Cloud-*looks around for where the music is coming from but just gives up and looks back to the mailmen*Thanks…*takes the package and signs the paper*  
  
Mailmen-Thank you…*puts hand out…waiting for his tip*  
  
Cloud- Oh yeah…*gives him 1 gil*  
  
Mailmen-Oh thanks…now I can retire and finally get that house I always wanted…oh boy…*walks away*  
  
Cloud-Stupid mailmen…thinking their so high and mighty *opens the package and closes the door with his foot* what's this? A movie script…what the hell are these words doing in here? A script is simple suppose to say "Put her in the lake" or "Jump off the train"…but words…man I can't memories this…  
  
* * *  
*The same mailmen is standing outside the door waiting, the door opens slowly. Squall standing there in a pair of boxers and gunblade in hand*  
Squall-This better be good!  
  
Mailmen-*blinks…thinking, "I need a vacation" * Umm…is there Mr. Lionheart here…  
  
Squall- Yea…that's me…  
  
Mailmen- A package for you Mr. Lio…  
  
Squall-*cutting the mailmen in mid-sentence* Knock it off with the Mr. crap and give me the damn package!  
  
Mailmen-H-h-h-he-here…*gives the package*  
  
Squall-Thanks…*slams the door*  
  
Mailmen-I've got to quite soon!  
  
Squall-What the hell is this…*puts gunblade against the wall and rips the package open* A movie script…yea…right*throws it towards the living room, just as Irvine is coming out*  
  
Irvine-Who was th-*the script hits Irvine in the head* OWWWWWWW…  
  
Squall-*grins*heads up…  
  
Irvine-*rubbing his face*thanks for the warning…what the hell did you hit me with a brick?*picks up the movie script* a movie script!!!! A new chance to get babes…Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go!….*Irvine's face is a deep red as he takes in a deep breath*…….. Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's Go! Let's G-  
  
Squall-*smacks Irvine* only if you promise to shut up.  
  
* * *   
*the same mailmen is standing outside of Alexandria Castle, Zidane walking out*  
  
Mailmen- A script for Mr. Tribal….*eyes goes wide as he sees Zidane's tall wagging behind him*…that's it…I quit…*tosses the mail bag down and tosses the package to Zidane*…I draw the line at giving packages to people with tails…that's to weird!  
  
Zidane- *blinking*Umm…Thanks for the package…*shakes his head as he starts to open the package, the ominous music playing in the background*  
  
Author-Okay that's it!!!!!  
  
Zidane-What…what I do wrong?  
  
Author-Nothing, you and the others are fine it's just that Goddamn music. Who is playing it!!!!!  
  
Old man-*rasp voice*I am…  
  
Author-And who are you!?!  
  
Old man-*raspy voice*Johnson…  
  
Author-And why are you playing that damn music!?  
  
Old guy- Because you paid me to do it…remember?*coughs*  
  
Zidane-Can we get back to the story guys?  
  
Author-Shut UP and get back in your place!!!*looks back to the old guy* And don't you ever correct me again. Vincent! Give me your gun!  
  
Vincent-Why?  
  
Author- just give it to me!!!!!!!!  
  
Vincent-fine…*tosses the author a gun*  
  
Author-And we don't need music it's a goddamn story!!!!*shots the old man*Now back to the story.  
  
*In Alexandria Castle, Zidane get "THE SCRIPT"*  
  
Zidane- Cool! Not even Kuja can stop me!  
Kuja- Yes I can! You got the script too!  
Zidane- Let's go!  
  
* * *  
*They all (Somehow) get to Timber, and get cramped into the T.V. station room*  
  
Ramza- O.K. I'm Ramza. You might remember me from Final Fantasy Tactics. I'm the director. Here are the rules. No materia, skill stones, or whatever you have in Final Fantasy 8. No limit breaks, trances, or last measure moves or what ever you call them!  
Megaman- O.K.  
Ramza- You're in the wrong game Megaman.  
Megaman- Sorry. *Megaman leaves*  
Ramza- Casting! Neo will be… Squall. Trinity will be… Tifa. Morpheus is… Cloud.  
Cloud- WHAT? Barret is black, not me!  
Ramza- Sorry! Agent Smith is… Barret! Agent Brown… Steiner. Agent Jones… Amarant. Sentinels will be… Kuja and Septhroth.  
Kuja- WE'RE NOT ROBOTS!  
Ramza- You're the only one with silver hair and the robots are silver! Mouse… Vivi. A-Pac… Freya. Tank… Irvin. Dozer… Cid. Cypher… Rufus. Switch… Aeris. The rest of you will be in some point of the movie.  
Voice- What about me!  
Ramza- Who are you?  
Voice- Fighter from final fantasy 1.  
Ramza- Get outta here kid. *Fighter leaves* Let's role!  
  
* * *  
Chapter 2- The Movie  
*Opening scene. Tifa and Rufus are talking on the phone*  
Rufus- Then we get a rubber hose… We on yet? Oh shoot!  
  
*Tifa on the computer, bunch of cops burst open the door*  
Vincent- FREEZE! HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD! *BANG! * Oops! Not again! Ramza! I killed the cops.  
  
*Outside Agent Smith and a cop are talking*  
Barret- If I had my gun arm…  
CatSith- Well you don't!  
Cloud- When Am I In the Movie?  
Ramza- Not yet!  
Cloud- When?  
Ramza- Shut up or I'll get Bruce Willis to replace you.  
Cloud- Who?  
Ramza- *Sigh*  
  
*Rooftop scene, Tifa is running. *  
Tifa- OW! I sprained my ankle!  
Ramza- Garnet. You're Trinity.  
Garnet- All right!  
  
*Squall on computer. Message on the screen*  
Computer- Wake up neo.  
Squall-ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz………  
Computer- HEY IDIOT! WAKE UP!  
Squall- I'm up! Damn computer. Should have got an apple, but noooooooo. I had to get a damn IBM.  
Computer- Follow the white rabbit.  
Squall- What the hell? The only rabbit I seen is the one I ate this morning!  
  
*Knock, knock*  
Squall- Better not be that mailman.  
Tsung- It's me. I want my hair pills!  
Squall- O.K. I'm coming. *Opens the door and gives the pills to Tsung*  
Tsung- Finally! Squaresoft will never know! Hey! Wana come to this FF rave? Should we take him with us?  
Yuffie- Yea. HEY RAMZA!  
Ramza- What?  
Yuffie- I get 1 line! "Yea" What's up with that?  
Ramza- Talk to Warner Brothers.  
  
*Rave scene*  
Squall- Trinity?  
Garnet- What? *Garnet gets her eardrums busted from the super loud music*  
Ramza- Riona? Wana be Trinity?  
Riona- O.K.  
  
*Work scene*  
Cloud- I'm in the movie!  
  
*Mailman walks in the cubical*  
Squall- Not you again. *Squall get's his gunblade, and slices the mailman's arm*  
Mailman- Great! Now with that 1 gil Spiky headman gave me should cover all the medical bills and still have a home to settle on. Thank you soooooo very much! *Mailman walks off*  
  
*Squall picks up the package, opens it and gets a megaphone*  
CatSith- I was wondering where that went. *Takes it and leaves*  
Squall- How much are we getting paid?  
Ramza- 10 gil a month.  
Squall- I could have saved the world again for a lot more than that!  
  
*Interrogation room scene*  
Barret- One way or another, you will help us!  
Squall- Really? Cool! Can I call someone?  
Barret- I blew up the phone after my discussion with Mr. T.  
Squall- Hehehe.  
Ramza- I really need to use that!  
  
*Apartment scene*  
Cloud- You take the blueberry pill. You wake up. You believe anything you want to believe. Take the raspberry pill, you stay in The Golden Saucer, and I show you how long the Chocobo Race is!  
Squall- *Looks at the pills* They're fricking jellybeans!  
Ramza- We only have 5000 gil to do this movie!  
  
*Real World scene*  
Squall- Wow! I'm naked! I don't do naked!  
*Hole opens*  
Squall- WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!  
Eiko- Ramza. Why do the Moggles have tinfoil on them?  
Mog- Can't Breath!  
Ramza- We ran out of special effects for this scene.  
  
*The Highwind picks him up in the water*  
Squall- Hey! I'm an arcade game. You won me!  
Ramza- You're an idiot.  
*Muscle rebuilding scene*  
Squall- Where am I?  
Cloud- You muscles are junk. We're rebuilding them.  
Squall- AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! THE NEEDLES HURT!  
Ramza- You'll go to another dimension to defeat ultimacia, but a couple of needles and you're whining like a baby.  
Cloud- You think this hurts, you should see the medical bill! Ouch!  
  
*Introductions scene*  
  
Cloud- Meet the others. Cypher.  
Rufus- Hey!  
Cloud- A-Pac.  
Freya- Does anyone care that I'm a mouse/girl.  
Cloud- Switch.  
Aeris- Hi.  
Cloud- Tank.  
Irvin- *Goes over to Freya* Hey sweet thang!  
Freya- You die in the movie.  
Irvin- Crap.  
Cloud- Tank.  
Cid- What the &^$* is up with this &(*%ing movie!  
Cloud- And mouse.  
Vivi- *Trips*  
All- AWWWWWWW.  
Cloud- This is my hover ship. The Highwind.  
Squall- Ramza?  
Ramza- What?  
Squall- Can we have a break?  
Ramza- *Sigh* Sure.  
  
Chapter 3- The Break  
  
*Everyone is talking about something*  
  
Cloud- Why didn't I get a gunblade? WHY?  
Squall- You suck.  
Zidane- Hehehe  
  
Aeris- I died on disk 1.  
Riona- I went into a coma on disk 2.  
Selphe- I drove a flying ship that had guns on disk 3.  
Garnet- I lost my mother on disk 2.  
Aeris- I lost my real mother before Final Fantasy 7 began! I win!  
  
Septhroth- More tea Kuja?  
Kuja- Certainly!  
*Everyone is looking their way*  
Kuja- What?  
Septhroth- We're having tea! Want some?  
All- No!  
  
CatSith- I'm hungry.  
Quina- I'm always hungry.  
  
Ramza- O.K. Back to the movie. Barret?  
Barret- *On the phone* I TOLD YOU MR.T, THOSE ARE MY LINES… WELL TO HELL WITH YOU! I COULD BEAT YOU ANY DAY IN A BOXING MATCH! *Blows up the phone with a Grenade Bomb*  
  
*Kung Fu scene*  
Cloud- Umm… To heck with kung fu. Take out gunblade and we'll fight!  
Squall- Now you're talking!  
*Fight music goes on! *  
Ramza- Sh**. Pikachu, have the tents by the savepionts on standby.   
Pikachu- Pika!  
Quina- FOOD! *Runs after pikachu*  
Pikachu- PIKA!!!!  
  
*Sentinel Scene*  
Cid- Morpheus! Sentinels!  
*See Septhroth and Kuja swimming to the ship*  
Kuja- I look like a freaking fish.  
Septhroth- My hair is getting messed up!  
  
*Oracle scene*  
Squall- You're the oracle?  
Sefier- Shut up. I'm going to kill you Ramza!  
Ramza- No you're not!  
Mr.T- Where is Barret?  
Barret- Come on foo!  
*DING, DING*  
Ramza- Why me?  
Cloud- Go Barret! Kill him!  
  
*Apartment 2 scene*  
Vincent- I have to kill Vivi?  
Ramza- Yes.  
Vincent- Heck with this! He's too cute!  
Ramza- I give up!  
  
*Government building scene*  
Squall- Here we go!  
Ramza- EVERYONE ON STAGE! TAKE OUT YOUR WEAPONS!  
All- YEA!  
*Everyone takes out Swords, Guns, Knuckles, anything*  
Barret- DIE! *Bang! Bang! He kills Riona*  
Ramza- Eiko! You're Trinity!  
Eiko- Yea!  
  
*Rooftop 2 scene*  
Amarant- *Takes out gun and stats shooting Squall. Enter bullet time*  
Squall- *CRACK* OH NUTS! MY BACK! OWWWWWWWW!!!  
Ramza- Wuss.  
  
*Subway scene*  
Squall- I would like a 6" sub.  
Ramza- WRONG SUBWAY!  
Squall- Be more specific!  
  
*End of the movie*  
Ramza- O.K. Here are the credits!  
  
Neo- Squall  
Trinity- Tifa, Garnet, Riona, Eiko  
Morpheus- Cloud  
Agent Smith- Barret!  
Agent Brown- Steiner.  
Agent Jones- Amarant.  
Sentinels- Kuja and Septhroth  
Mouse- Vivi.  
A-Pac- Freya.  
Tank- Irvin.  
Dozer- Cid.  
Cypher- Rufus.  
Switch- Aeris.  
Everyone else- Some point of the movie.  
  
Ramza- Well?  
Zidane- Freaking sucked!  
Ramza- I hate to be the publisher.  
Cloud- We are SOOOOO getting sued.  
  
The End!  
  
Disclaimer- All characters in this fanfic belongs to Squaresoft. 


End file.
